You’re not broken.
Today’s post is for those of you who had a suboptimal start in life. Emotionally neglected or even abused. Didn’t have much physical activity, or too much of it. Fed shitty food, or forced into restrictive diets. Fed things you learned later you were allergic to, and had your symptoms ignored. Over-drugged or under-drugged. Learned behaviors that made life easier for our parents, but harder for us as adults.
Our parents did their best, they did what they knew and believed would be good for you. Could some of them have done better? Maybe, but holding on to the resentment, or bitterness, or hate isn’t going to get you to your next level; that shit will just hold you down. I’m not saying anything that might have happened to you is OK, and I’m not saying forgiveness is necessary. I AM saying that since you exist and you have a body, you can have all the health, vitality, and longevity that you want.
There is a fair amount of research on the damage that childhood experiences and treatment can cause. Even when a child is in the womb, there are things that can cause health challenges later in that child’s life, or create a state of extended robust health. From stress hormones to junk food to emotional neglect, it harms a developing brain and body, not to mention the sea of toxins we’re drowning in at this point. Even childhood training that made us “good” kids, like cleaning our plate after every meal or being “quiet and obedient” can have negative downstream effects, like eating disorders or fear of speaking up.
If you’re still reading this, you’re probably in the camp of us who didn’t have an optimal childhood, or anything close to it. I speculate that many, if not most adults have to in some way recover from their childhoods, but I’m talking to you if you feel especially damaged, and maybe still angry. You don’t need the permission of some stranger on the internet, but you have my permission anyway to cut toxic people out of your life, even if those people are family. The full quote is “the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.”
We’re going to get into the nitty-gritty of specific actions, including mindset and therapy, and ways to physically heal. We’re going to look at ways to reframe memories and reprogram subconscious patterns. We’re going to talk about epigenetics and hormones and a little woowoo mystical spirituality. But today my primary message is that you’re not alone, and you’re not broken. Nothing is hopeless.
In scientific circles, when postulating on how to have a long and healthy life, it’s common to hear the response of “choose better grandparents.” That would make things a hell of a lot easier, wouldn’t it? We can jump into the philosophical debate on whether or not we choose our incarnations for certain experiences later (and we will), but saying “choose better grandparents” is a lazy answer. Since we can’t go back, we must go forward and work with what we have. It might suck sometimes, but it gives us a deeper appreciation of how robust and miraculous our bodies are, and shows us how much change we can create if we are disciplined about it.
Parents, and soon-to-be parents, my biggest suggestion is to love your child and give them opportunities to learn and explore, especially their own identity. Kids aren’t blank slates, and they’re not tiny adults either, but they will carry these memories and emotions and neural wiring with them for the rest of their lives. If you’re on my blog on purpose, I have faith this is already your mindset.